"Don’t worry, he hasn’t been drinking! I’ve been watching him like a bunny!"
"Pretzels… for MEEEEE?"
"I met a dog and I called him a little motherfucker! At first he liked me. He said, ‘I like you Norma’ in his dog voice. Then I called him a mother fucker! I was just copying (insert my name)!"
"I really have to use the bathroom, but it is SO FAR AWAY" (starts to sob)
"Are you an ASSHOLE?" (she asks every guy that walks by her this)